bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I want is dick and wine.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
