ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
