dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have fence marks all over my body
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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