He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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