I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
