she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
