I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
