Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
