No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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