Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
