Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
