Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
