I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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