I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
