im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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