Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
