I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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