well you can't waste a boner
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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