i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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