A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
