I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
