Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
