There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
