i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
