sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
