I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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