he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
