so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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