Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is Oprah even human
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
