My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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