ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
