and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
