Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
