My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
