ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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