3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
