You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Did I show you my penis last night?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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