i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
