I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
