Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
