my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude i'm inner monologue high
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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