he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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