We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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