i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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