I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
