Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
