somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
