I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
