I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
