Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Someone came in the potted fern
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
