New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
