Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
